I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
