SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
