The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
