alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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