The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
