i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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