So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
