Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
