idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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