There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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