I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
