I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
