so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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