you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
