Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
