Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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