I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
