I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
