New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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