Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
