just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
