Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
