So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
whose parrot is this?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
