At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
