Umm I'm too high to move.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
