Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
