I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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