Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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