Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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