Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
