pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I stole a fireplace last night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
