We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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