Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
