fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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