she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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