You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
