Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
