I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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