Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
