I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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