That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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