the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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