Will you blow on my dice?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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