Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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