so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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