i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
