i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
