I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
