i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
