I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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