I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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